Friday, August 9, 2013

Open you brain before your mouth ...

 
 
 
 
 
 
Uniqueness is what differs mankind from other creatures...
Each one of us is different physically, morally, mentally... We are biologically born different and individually special. 

I think it's far too easy to judge, when meeting someone new, and, whether intended or not, a first impression sticks in the mind. And maybe that changes over the time if that person becomes a friend or if we get to know him or her better. But when someone falls into a certain category or group, people may directly link him to any other person that they happen to know or meet or already have any information about and they attribute him with a certain lifestyle, behavior or characteristics that may or may not reflect his reality but are mainstreamly associated with that group that he belongs to.
People tend to forget his uniqueness which in many ways makes him different from other individuals who also fall in the same category as him. A difference in the way of thinking or behaving that defines our human nature.

When you mention gayness in front of someone the first thing that comes to his mind is femininity, flamboyance and exaggerated hands movements ... His brain is programed to think that all gay guys are into fashion, love lady Gaga and Madonna, have tidy and neat rooms, and are the main cause of HIV spread ... Not to mention the infamous stereotype of gay men liking or wanting to have sex with anyone who has a penis. They literally dehumanize the gay just because he is gay. They forget the diversity aspect of humanity, they forget that people have feelings! This is what really offends when you stereotype someone, the fact that his identity is forgotten, that he will be stripped from his feelings, treated as an object not as a human ...

Maya Angelou said once that "Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible." 

It might be true that the lack of proper education about certain topics is the main cause of stereotyping but the more dangerous is the refusal of any information that may correct a lot of ideas and prejudgements that people make. The majority of our society is still unwilling to do any research or at least read any article related to homosexuality or even discuss it in public! We brag about being a know-it-all but in fact we know nothing, a lot of topics are still blur to us and we refuse to clarify them. 
People should open their brains before opening their mouths, in other words, learn about the topic before jumping into conclusions and/or uttering repellent stereotypes and prejudices.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

In denial

“To be yourself in a world that is
constantly trying to make you
something else is the greatest
accomplishment.”

Sexuality is really complex that some specialist say no one is strictly straight or gay , human behavior and feelings are also complex so it may be wrong to label a person as gay or straight ...
But here we come to the point that those labels that the society has created for us and imposed on us have caused a certain fear so that the majority of people are not comfortable to express their true affections and feelings of attraction that may or may not fulfill the "sexual labels" that the society have given them.
Each person at some period of his life and especially in his childhood , may develop a certain attraction to others from both his same sex and the opposite sex and at this time he will never have a problem with it because he would be innocent and free of all the hate and misconceptions, free of all the judgments and social labels!
When you are born with a penis you are expected to be a straight guy , and you are expected to like girls ... The boy will grow with this idea stuck in his head that he should be with a girl and that this is what is right for him. But at a certain age , when that boy will start developing true sexual attraction and he discovers that he is attracted to boys not girls he will become lost and he will definitely think that there is something wrong with him and that he is the only one like that because boys should like girls ... And the same thing applies when a girl is born.

I can hardly remember if i have ever had any sexual attraction to any girl ... Since i was 11 or 12 i have been attracted to boys and it was a nightmare for me ! Back than i also didn't knew that this is totally normal and that it is ok to like boys ! I was a kid back then and it feels really awful to think that you are different ... I even pictured myself in a relationship with someone from outer space !! Because i never knew that there is other guys out there who share the same feelings with me ... It was at the age of 15 that i actually knew that there is something called homosexuality and that it is fine to like boys and that i am not alone but even though , i still had this idea that there is something wrong with me. I was denying the truth of my feelings and attraction because when an idea is deeply implanted in your mind it is not that easy to take it of or even to correct it especially when you are still a kid.
I started to read every single article or press release that i could get my hands on concerning homosexuality and after that i started to read blogs and personal experiences of other people and it is at that point that i started accepting myself the way i am and i started to remove all the rotten judgments that i had in my mind and it was definitely the most challenging but yet the most fruitful period in my life.

As Mark Twain said : “The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” And that was the kind of loneliness i was experiencing when i was in denial and it is something that i am really glad to get over.
And for everyone out there who is still afraid of accepting his or her homosexuality, believe me there is nothing more relieving than being yourself ! Admitting that you are gay is not like becoming a new person at all but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but afraid to be! Just face it, Some people will love you for who you really are, most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all so don't try to live in a lie just to fulfill the role that others want you to do !Society has no rights to define what is right or wrong for you , only you have the right to live your life the way you want.

And always remember, being gay is not a choice but denying it and living the rest of your life in misery and loneliness is ...

Friday, April 26, 2013

Let's just talk human rights

 
we know Lebanon is not the most homo friendly place on earth , we may have a few gay clubs and bars but at the same time we have some sick homophobes that want them closed ...

As you may have heard in the news a gay friendly club ''Ghost'' was closed recently after the Dekweneh's municipality decided to do so ... It is not that surprising in Lebanon where gay people are attacked in many different ways but the problem is that they didn't stopped at just closing the club , they took some people that were there to the municipality where they were humiliated , abused ,forced to take their clothes of to check if they were men or women (wtf?!) and they were even photographed ! they also exposed their real identity when they may have not come out yet ...

If we just talk human rights and forget the fact that those people were of the LGBT community , those are still considered human beings and they deserve to be respected morally and physically ! No one has the right to strip people naked and photograph them! And No one has the right to detain people like criminals just for the fact that they were partying at a club !

I advise them to visit some of the ''straight'' clubs out their and i am sure that they will be shocked because of what is happening there ... What a country we live in ! A country were ''those in charge'' don't care about people at all but when it comes to anything related to any sexual behavior that they might find unusual to them they will suddenly start to care  and can't get out of people's pants and they suddenly turn into ''saviors'' from the ''deviant behavior'' ! while they let the criminals and thieves ''yesra7o w yemra7o'' as we say in lebanese ...  

Thursday, April 18, 2013

My response to the homophobia ...

of course many of us if not all have been face to face with some homophobic comments or questions and every one of us has his/her own way to answer ... So here i will talk about a few comments that i personally heard and the way i may answer them ...

1-Being gay is abnormal:

actually it depends on how you define ''normal'' , being normal is being common or typical a normal thing is what comes to someone without any force or suggestion , and being gay is a common thing , i am not the first gay on earth and i will not be the last , there is hundreds or even millions of gay people all over the world i also don't remember anything or anyone suggesting becoming gay to me or even forcing it on me! ... can it be more normal now?!

2-Being gay is a sin:
We all sin , we all have dozens of sins and if being gay is a sin (i said if ...) it it will be added to the sins that we make and maybe even with that sin we are not even close to the number or to the badness of sins that some straight people have ... everyone is sinful not just gays ...

3-Every religion considers being gay as wrong:
let us not go through anything strictly religious like discussing holy verses from the bible or qur'an or anything , let's talk in general , every religion is based on love and forgiveness , not judging people because only God is capable of ...
so how in the name of any religion do you spread hate and justify your hate and homophobia? 

4-Being gay is discussing (which is something that i hear a lot) :
anyone around you could be gay , anyone , from your brother , sister , cousin , uncle , neighbor , classmate , colleague , boss ... even to your best friend or the people that are really close to you and believe me we are great at hiding it if we want , we could be gay all our life and not even let anyone know about that so don't say that i would have known if he is gay!!
so maybe your friend that you sate on the same desk with , studied with , ate with , played cards with , went on trips with , shared happy moments with or even shared a bed with might be gay all the way and you never knew that so he/she instantly became gross and discussing the moment he/she told you that he/she is gay ?! how could that happen ?

5- God created men to love women:(adam and eve not adam and steve ''as lame as it sounds'')

if you believe in God , you should also believe that he created the whole world and he created human kind ... as a gay guy i am still considered a human being ain't i ?! so i am created by God and if you think otherwise i will be questioning you whole ''believing in God'' thing ...

6-Gays are dangerous to the society:
and by that the arguments vary from spreading STDs , to encouraging other people to become gay
so ... first , spreading STDs is not due to anyone's sexual orientation , it is strictly because of the absence of sexual safety and second encouraging other people to become gay?!?!?! seriously?! being gay is NOT a choice (which is alone capable of justifying that this argument is fault) but for the people who still doubt that , here is my answer , why would a straight person like you DECIDE to QUIT being straight and BECOME gay just by seeing some gay people around him/her living their normal gay life?! i am sure you are never going to find an answer for that ! And if you think that i am born gay , are you born a narrow minded bigot or you have grown into one?

7- Being gay is a mental illness:
they say that usually gay people were either abused in their childhood , or that they have some mental complexes that have MADE them gay ...
if we put the fact that homosexuality is not considered an illness anymore ... Therapist are there to help mentally ill people to get over their problems , even the hardest ones and if being gay is an illness as you say why couldn't any therapist help any gay guy or lesbian girl or even someone who is bisexual to overpass his/her ''illness'' and become straight again?! the people that claim being able to cure gays are sick themselves and they have been all proved as scammers ! could you name someone that has undergone any treatment like that and he is straight now?

8- I am against gay marriage because gays can't procreate:
since when is marriage just to procreate?! we are human beings not reproduction machines! we marry to have a partner to be on our side for the rest of our lives , to have someone that we count on , someone who cares about us , not just to have children !
besides , if gay people can't have kids , they will adopt , wouldn't that be helpful for the orphans and for the society?! 
so here are the comments and questions i usually get ... please feel free to add anything in the comments , any other question you have been asked , or even any other answer you may give to any of the homophobic comments in the post ...

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

our future in this ''country'' !







this post was inspired by the decision of a friend of mine (if he lets me consider him as friend)


Since i accepted my gayness , the first thing that i started wondering about is how am i able to have a gay life here in lebanon ...
First i didn't knew that there were other gay guys in lebanon (forgive my stupidity back then) and that there is no way that a lebanese gay can live in lebanon , he will definitely leave ... i never knew that there were people that are out and living their life normally , of course facing some problems but in general they are leading a normal gay life ! i started to discover that there is some regions that are considered 'gay friendly' and some places that gays hang out in ... I felt an enormous relieve , i started to have this hope , the hope of staying here in lebanon next to my parents and friends and still have a gay life ... And that was last year , just before all the problems concerning gays started , from the homophobic gay article in AUB's outlook , to the anal tests of shame ,to the MTV and the arrest of 36 men suspected to be gay .... 
It was hard on me , especially that i was still fragile , the lebanese gay scene was new to me , really new . This little hope started to fade , and went back to this fear of  society rejection , i went back to see myself 5 or 6 years from now in another country where i would be safer , more accepted and respected . 
I have always felt that lebanon is hopeless not just concerning LGBT issues , but in every single way , hopless in its infrastructure , in its politics , in its economy , in human rights ... We can never  achieve any progress in a country ruled explicitly by some politicians and implicitly buy religions ... we can never in 2013 follow what was said thousands of years ago (with all my respect to all religions). 
I can never ask for my simplest civil right of marriage when our politicians can never take any decision without referring to their ''religious leaders'' in order not to loose votes ... i can never feel safe in a country that criminalize me for being me! ... i can never feel comfortable going out with any guy in public ... 
But in a way , i felt powerful enough not to surrender , and do whatever it takes to make a change , even if it is a little change ... i was positive that if i put my hand with all the other people fighting for that change even with my small capabilities , we will become stronger ...
If you ask me last year i will definitely say that Lebanon is not for me but now if i had the choice i may leave , but i will think about it twice ... I can never blame anyone for leaving because i know that he will be happier there and that matters the most but i will definitely not be so happy about it ...

Monday, March 25, 2013

Keep strong !





 

Bullying is never an unexpected thing when you are gay but my story is a little different ...

 All through my teenage years i have never been bullied technically , a few hate words , a couple of bad comments but i never had a real problem . I was a quite kid , excellent grades , first in class , introverted , not having a lot of friends ,  shy , extremely shy , i didn't know back then that i was gay or anything ... I was vulnerable and weak , the perfect target for bullies , but thank God i have never been hurt really by any bully and i was never even called gay or anything ... But when i got a little older i changed , and a lot ! i became more confident more sociable and a little less shier ... But That changed unfortunately ... and guess when! at the age of 17 !
last year was my senior year in high-school but it wasn't like any other year of my life ... i have chosen the SG branch (general sciences for those not familiar with our educational system in lebanon) and we weren't that big of a class so we were sitting is a small room in only two rows of 5 students each which means that if someone whispers to the person next to him , all the class can clearly hear him !
any way ... the problem started when i couldn't get along with the other students , especially the boys , they weren't my classmates before that year , they were new to me , i have never talked to them except one or two of them and it was just ''hi , how are you , fine?! ,goodbye'' kind of conversations ...
to cut story short, there was those two guys that were the cause of the problem ... They liked to show off , they thought that they were the center of the class , the ''cool'' and only cool guys in class ... all the other boys wanted to get closer to them not because they wanted to , because they didn't wanted to be excluded ... i was never like that , i am not the kind of guy that changes his behavior or words not to be ''excluded'' or left alone , i didn't care actually , i also didn't like to change how i was so i just stayed away from them ... Well , they didn't like that !
they started to to call me names , to make fun of me in some ways ... they have came to a point when they started to call me Gay ! to talk about how i ... suck dick! or what i ''like to do'' with other men ... and they would laugh about it ...
they didn't say anything to me directly but i always heard them talking about me ... and that continued for the whole year ... they have never got bored of those same lame comments... I never thought that i would hear similar things coming from people at that age ! i mean when you are 17 or even 18 you are not a kid anymore , you are considered more or less ''mature'' add to that that we were SG students meaning that we were the elite , the smartest , most hardworking senior students 
what pissed me off the most is that i am not like that ! i am not what they say i am ! i am gay right , but being gay was the least ''insult'' that they said (i put insult between '' '' because people like those assholes consider being gay as an insult) . i am gay but i have never done these slutty things that they said i do or i ''enjoy doing'' as they used to say , and they know that too ! but they wanted something to laugh about , and i was the easiest target ... 

i wanted to stop this , but i couldn't ... and i feel really bad because i couldn't stop them back then , i blame myself for my weakness , my hesitation , my fear ... this thing had a huge impact on my morals , i was always sad , always feeling low , didn't want to talk to anyone .... i went back to the old 'me' , the old introverted weak 'me' , the 'me' that i hated and that i worked hard to change , i didn't want to go to school anymore but i had to of course , i also had official exams last year so i had a hard time concentrating on studying in this fucked up mood that was in but i passed the exams luckily and had really great grades , not as much as i was expecting (it may sound a little geeky!) but they were fine ...
I got over that thing , i never look back , i never want to remember this fucked up year ... I now have my future ahead of me and this is all what i think about now 
I have never had the courage to talk about it to anyone , even though i needed to , so here i am , sharing my story with you guys hoping that the ones of you that are being bullied right now learn from my story that they need to find the courage and the power needed to defend their-selves , stay STRONG guys ...

Friday, March 15, 2013

After coming out




It has been a little over two months when i finally came out to my best friend and this was my first time ... As you may have known from my old post it turned out to be great , he was understanding and he showed a little support even though he kept saying that being gay is abnormal and that i should talk to a priest about it and stuff like that ... , i can't blame him since he is a very religious person , other than that he  showed no sign of homophobia or anything ... He was really friendly and caring ...

Hanging out with him after that day , had made me realize something weird ... He has never mentioned anything related to me as being gay and he has never asked me any question or anything ! It is weird because usually straight guys are kinda curious when it comes to being gay , they would like to know a lot of things and ask a lot of questions about it ! The only thing that he has asked me is that if i have had any sexual relation with a man and that was on the day i came out to him ... Another thing is that he tries to change the subject anytime i bring up a topic related to gays ... It made me really concerned ! I was glad that he accepted me and supported me but i am worried that he might not be as accepting and understanding as i though he would be !  (or as i WANT him to be)
I know that i should not be selfish and thank God that his reaction wasn't bad at all but his silence is killing me ! 
I don't want to push it hard on him because i don't want to loose him , but i also don't like how things ended up ! 
I mean the greatest thing when coming out , is that you will have someone to talk to , to talk FREELY to , to be your TRUE YOU with him ... And that is the thing that i desperately need , i need a friend by my side , someone to listen to me and knows what i am really going through ...